The Struggle of Asking for Help

Updated: Feb 12, 2020

I am still in this boot!

They call it a pneumatic walking boot and it has been the bane of my existence since May. I have realized I am not a robot. WE are not made of steel. I cannot do it all. Humbled now by this thought, it was not my initial reaction to my injury. I was reading an article recently that our mind and body manifest “disease” when we require attention. So it got me thinking … was the universe telling me to “slow the F*** down?” Was this the way that I was going to be forced to take a break from the chaos?

For the past few years, I have found myself in this cycle. Consisting of work, squeezing in all the things after work, whether it’s homework, grocery-shopping, gym, house work, a quick shower, some days no shower just dry shampoo, bed, repeat. It was if I was set to the wrinkle-guard cycle on the dryer, runs every 20 minutes until you turn it off. After my injury I was out; out of all activities, out of yoga teacher training, out of running, out of work, walking … you name it I was restricted. The next natural emotions set in until all quickly dissolved to fear.

You see I have always been self-sufficient. Not relying on anyone has just always seemed like the better option. It’s easier, it’s more efficient, you usually have control over the outcome, and you avoid disappointment. Growing up I was always the sibling that just did whatever needed to be done. My parents never needed to remind me of things; I don’t think they even checked my homework. From a young age we are raised on this idea of all or nothing. We aren’t told perfection doesn’t exist, rather we are taught to aim for perfection. These illusions create a struggle between asking for help and accepting we are imperfect creatures verses remaining silent and trying to carry the entire burden ourselves. Physical manifestations come when we have suppressed other things for too long. For me, that was learning to slow down. But when I was forced to face this idea that I would need help and I would have to ask for it, sheer fear set in.

As women our “conditioned sense of inferiority incites us to want to be better than we actually are”. Hence why most of us feel guilty when we take time for ourselves, forced or by choice. Tending to our own needs prior to anyone else’s is not instinctual; add that to what most of us witnessed in our childhood and how society has tried to condition women and well our needs are rarely being met. WHY? It’s simple, we aren’t asking!

Through my injury, I have recognized and accepted that as a woman, I am also human. As much as we have this innate ability to nurture and care for others, we are doing a disservice to everyone we love and ourselves if we physically or mentally cannot because of “disease”. We must listen to our bodies and what is calling to us; sometimes rest is in the mix. Six months later I am still struggling with my injury. As someone recently told me, “HEALING takes time …” and I suppose that holds true for all types of healing; physical, mental, emotional.

There is a higher power whose timing supersedes our own; your time is yet to come!

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